A Squad of Illagers (Jukebox)

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  1. Name: Illager Rank: Associate Researcher Clearance Level: 2 Date of Incident: August 21, 2019 Describe the incident: Illager was testing the intelligence of a person who is turned into an instance of 049-2 who is then turned back into a human by 049. 049 "cured" and then subsequently "turned back" the D-Class (who has been identified as Gamer Supreme). However, when Illager attempted to retrieve Gamer Supreme, 049 became abnormally uncooperative. 049 got out of its pen and started running around the containment area, turning Gamer Supreme back into an instance of 049-2. Gamer Supreme neutralized Illager before being terminated by Illager's RCF escort. Since 049 was incapable of leaving the containment area, Mobile Task Force Nu-7 helped RCF recontain 049. List classes of SCP(s) involved: Euclid Immediate complications due to the incident: 049 was acting belligerent, Illager was unable to provide support due to Gamer Supreme neutralizing him Long-term complications due to the incident (if applicable): 049 may remember this test and hold a grudge towards Illager or RCF Operative [REDACTED]. Type of response towards incident (MTF/NTF/Security/ETC): Recontainment efforts were made immediately by RCF, Nu-7 provided support. Resolution towards incident: Recontainment of SCP-049. How dangerous was the entirety of the situation?: Medium-level danger, as 049 could've terminated either RCF operative [REDACTED] or Illager Extra Information: [DATA CORRUPT]
  2. //-----------------------------------------------------------------// Form Title: [SCP-1048] ~ Research (August 20th, 2019) Rank: Researcher I Clearance Level: 2 List of Personnel involved in testing: Funny Daniel, SCP-1048, Researcher I Illager, [REDACTED] (escort) Level D personnel involved: Funny Daniel SCP: 1048 Errors and/or safety hazards: Illager stood too close to the door and took some minor ear damage Question: Does the ear damage caused by SCP-1048's scream still apply to personnel with proper ear protection? Background Research: SCP-1048 is a friendly, albeit keter-class anomalous teddy bear that can scream loud enough to damage one's ears fatally. Hypothesis: No, the scream won't be able to damage the hearing of personnel who have the proper protection. Observation/Visual Stimuli(Photos/videos): [DATA CORRUPT] Experiment Log: SCP-1048 and Funny Daniel were put in a chamber. Funny Daniel was given ear protection and told to punch 1048 after [REDACTED] and Illager left the room. Audible screaming could be heard and once noise stopped Illager checked in on the test, and Funny Daniel was dead on the ground. Illager gave 1048 a cookie for its cooperation and the test concluded. Analysis and Conclusion: The scream appears to be anomalous, damaging a person's ears regardless of protection. Do your results align with your hypothesis?: No, not at all Approved by the Director of Research and Security and the Head of Research. For use in Site-05. Secure, Contain, And Protect.
  3. Name: Illager Rank: JR At the time (Researcher I as of writing) Clearance Level: 2 Date of Incident: August 15, 2019 Describe the incident: In an experiment to see if SCP-999 could have a negative opinion of someone, D-[REDACTED]called SCP-999 "Nickelodeon Slime" and "Molten Cheese". Upon being called "Nickelodeon Slime", SCP-999 jumped onto and surrounded D-REDACTED's head, preventing breathing. SCP-999 got off after a few seconds. After being called "Molten Cheese", SCP-999 immediately "grabbed" the restraints with a pseudopod and attempted to enter the incinerator room. After crashing to the incinerator room's door multiple times, SCP-999 handed the restraints back to Illager. During the post-test checkup, D-REDACTED was found to have some of SCP-999's slime in his digestive system, and was prescribed laxatives as a result. After being scolded, 999 was remorseful and went back to being on its best behavior. List classes of SCP(s) involved: Safe. Immediate complications due to the incident: We don't know what affects 999's slime could have on the digestive system. Long-term complications due to the incident: SCP-999 may have a negative opinion of D-REDACTED and as such may make testing hard if chosen to test with SCP-999 again. Type of response towards incident (MTF/NTF/Security/ETC): Chased after SCP-999 with Illager while it was bringing D-REDACTED to the incinerator. Resolution towards incident: 999 giving up on entering the incinerator. How dangerous was the entirety of the situation?: Not at all dangerous, but could've been bad if the incinerator was open Extra Information: N/A
  4. //-----------------------------------------------------------------// Form Title: [SCP-343] ~ Research (August 13) Note from Illager: We can always be further optimizing our containment protocols. As such, only one SCP could tell us how to do it perfectly: SCP-343. Rank: JR Clearance Level: 2 List of Personnel involved in testing: JR Illager (Proctor), SCP-343 (Subject), Lance Corporal [REDACTED] (Guard Escort) Level D personnel involved: 0 SCP: 343 Errors and/or safety hazards: N/A Question: How can we further optimize our containment procedures? Background Research: SCP-343 is an omnipotent, all-knowing human male with unlimited power. He claims to have created the universe. Hypothesis: Many protocols will require improvement Observation/Visual Stimuli(Photos/videos): N/A Test Log: Illager and and Lance Corporal [REDACTED] enter the testing chamber and request 343 over intercom. 343 materialized after approximately a minute. JR Illager asked 343 what SCP's protocols needed adjustment. SCP-343 said SCP-106 needed more guards defending its chamber because it only has to go through one door. SCP-343 also said that SCP-049 is uncomfortable due to the small size of its containment chamber. Analysis and Conclusion: SCP-106's chamber requires more staffing. Do your results align with your hypothesis?: No. Surprisingly, it only mentioned SCP-106. Approved by the Director of Research and Security and the Head of Research. For use in Site-05. Secure, Contain, And Protect.
  5. //-----------------------------------------------------------------// Form Title: [SCP-131] ~ Research (August 12, 2019) Rank: JR Clearance Level: 2 List of Personnel involved in testing: Dova, JR Illager, Security Riot Control [REDACTED] Level D personnel involved: 1 SCP: 131 Errors and/or safety hazards: N/A Question: Can SCP-131 read? Background Research: SCP-131(AKA "The Eye Pods") are friendly teardrop shaped creatures that use a wheel for locomotion. SCP-131 have a single unblinking eye and form bonds easily. Hypothesis: SCP-131 is not smart enough to read. Observation/Visual Stimuli(Photos/videos): N/A Observation Log: Dova was given a pen and paper and was instructed by Illager to write a safe for work message for SCP-131. Dova wrote "You are an amazing SCP and keep doing what you're doing" on the paper. SCP-131 was told to jump if he understood the message. SCP-131 did, indeed, jump. Analysis and Conclusion: SCP-131 does indeed know how to comprehend writing, though it is not known if it understands the words themselves or simply the intention behind the note. Do your results align with your hypothesis?: No. Note from Illager: If SCP-131 can truly understand writing, then a good idea would be to put "Rules" for SCP-131 in its chambers, such as where it's allowed to go. Approved by the Director of Research and Security and the Head of Research. For use in Site-05. Secure, Contain, And Protect. This document requires Clearance Level 2 or higher to view. If you do not have this clearance level yet are still able to read this document, report this issue to security. Failure to do so will result in immediate termination.
  6. //-----------------------------------------------------------------// Form Title: [SCP-999] ~ Research (August 11, 2019) Note from Illager: "I've done this experiment twice and each time the Class D forced 999 to suck their [EXPLETIVE]. I've decided just to do it myself for the good of my sanity." Rank: JR Clearance Level: 2 List of Personnel involved in testing: JR Illager, SCP-999 (AKA "The Tickle Monster") Level D personnel involved: 0 SCP: 999 Errors and/or safety hazards: N/A, Question: How can we further improve SCP-999's diet? Background Research: SCP-999's dossier on our wiki Hypothesis: All conventional candies will be accepted. Observation/Visual Stimuli(Photos/videos): N/A Results: Twizzlers invoked a strong negative emotional response while also causing the subject to vomit a rainbow-colored substance. Lemonheads also cause SCP-999 to vomit a similar substance, but doesn't invoke the same emotional reaction. SCP-999 seemed to especially enjoy Skittles, and was even more elated than usually while consuming just one of them. Analysis and Conclusion: SCP-999 should never be fed Twizzlers and only be fed Lemonheads in case of shortage of other candies suitable for SCP-999. Do your results align with your hypothesis?: No. Approved by the Director of Research and Security and the Head of Research. For use in Site-05. Secure, Contain, And Protect. You must have clearance Level 2 or higher to view this document. If you have a lower clearance level and still have access to this document, please report this issue to Security. Failure to do so will result in termination.
  7. //-----------------------------------------------------------------// Note from Illager: "SCP-527's fairly non-anomalous nature means we could use him as an extra pair of hands for research, similar to how I hypothesized that SCP-912 could be an extra set of hands for GENSEC a few days ago. To test this, I set up a test disguised as an intelligence test that determined SCP-527's compatibility with The Foundation." Form Title: [SCP-527] ~ Research (August 12, 2019) Rank: JR Clearance Level: 2 List of Personnel involved in testing: JR Illager, SCP-527 Level D personnel involved: 0 SCP: 527 Errors and/or safety hazards: N/A Question: Could SCP-527 (AKA "Mr. Fish") be of any extra help to the research department? Background Research: The Wiki page on SCP-527 Hypothesis: SCP-527 could fit the role as a nonessential member of the research team as to reduce costs on staff. Observation/Visual Stimuli(Photos/videos): N/A Results: SCP-527's specialty appears to be Computer Science and Cybercriminology, both of which it claims to have a college degree in. It also said that it is knowledgeable in terms of physics and astronomy and that it had an IQ of 132 when it last took an IQ test. It also claims that it got C's and D's in mathematics. When Illager asked if it would work for The Foundation if given the opportunity[1], it said it couldn't answer that question. [1] Unlike the other questions, this question was disguised as a personal question. Analysis and Conclusion: More research is required to come to a solid conclusion. Do your results align with your hypothesis?: Again, more research required. Approved by the Director of Research and Security and the Head of Research. For use in Site-05. Secure, Contain, And Protect.
  8. //-----------------------------------------------------------------// Form Title: [SCP-527] ~ Research (August 11, 2019) Rank: JR Clearance Level: 2 List of Personnel involved in testing: JR Illager (Interviewer), SCP-527 (Interviewed) Level D personnel involved: 0 SCP: 527 Errors and/or safety hazards: N/A Question: What can we know about 527's past? Background Research: SCP-527, known colloquially as "Mr. Fish", is a non-anomalous human male not counting the fish it has for a head. How it survives with a fish head despite the clear anatomical incompatibilities is unknown. Hypothesis: 527 will diverge into detail about its creation Observation/Visual Stimuli(Photos/videos): N/A Interview Log: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Junior Researcher Illager: First question: does your entire family have fish heads, or just you? 527: Just me. Junior Researcher Illager: Okay. Second question: do you have any friends or family to speak of? 527: No you guys took me away from that. Junior Researcher Illager: No, I mean beforehand. 527: Well there are my brothers. Junior Researcher Illager: You mean the other Misters? 527: What else would I mean? Junior Researcher Illager: What do you know about your creator? 527: Not much. I just know he is called Dr. W. Junior Researcher Illager: What was your life like before you were contained? 527: Mostly people finding out what my head can do. And weird looks. But mostly a normal life. Junior Researcher Illager: What's your opinion of Dr. W? 527: Well he made me first of all, but I don't really care for him at all. Junior Researcher Illager: Okay. Final question: what is your opinion on the foundation as a whole? 527: They give me food to eat and a place to sleep, so they're kind of like my new family. But I still don't really care about you guys. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Analysis and Conclusion: It did not say much about its creation, but still told us about its past. Do your results align with your hypothesis?: Not really. Approved by the Director of Research and Security and the Head of Research. For use in Site-05. Secure, Contain, And Protect.
  9. //-----------------------------------------------------------------// Form Title: [SCP-912] ~ Research (August 11, 2019) Pre-test notes: 912 wasn't known for talking before. I want to take advantage of his sudden communication with humans. We could get information out of this experience. Rank: JR Clearance Level: 2 List of Personnel involved in testing: JR Illager (Interviewer), SCP-912 (interviewed) Level D personnel involved: 0 SCP: 912 Errors and/or safety hazards: N/A Question: Why is 912 suddenly talking? And what information can we get? Background Research: SCP-912 is a sentient set of floating S.W.A.T. gear that attacks any armed subjects that are not in proper security or law enforcement uniforms. According to the dossier on 912, he doesn't directly respond to communication attempts, implying an inability to speak. Hypothesis: 912 will diverge into its past, as well as its opinion on working for The Foundation Observation/Visual Stimuli(Photos/videos): N/A Analysis and Conclusion: 912 appears to show large degrees of intelligence and could be of value to the utilization department for riot control. Interview log: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q: Where do you originate? A: (assumed joke) I'm a bank guard. Q: So you originate from a bank? A: (laughing) You can't originate from a bank! I'm from Chicago. Q: Okay, and despite the fact you are just a floating pile of armor, you can speak. Why is this? A: I don't know, I just speak. Maybe god gave me this ability, I dunno [sic]. (this may imply 912 is religious, or at least understands religion as a concept.) Q: You attack non-police officers whenever they have weapons drawn. Why is that? A: I get nervous when non-officers have weapons drawn. Q: Despite your S.W.A.T. garb, you only wield a baton. Why is this? A: It's the weapon I'm most comfortable with. Q: Okay, final question, how would you feel about working for The Foundation? A: I do feel as if I could be a guard. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Do your results align with your hypothesis?: While it did go very little into its past, it certainly expressed the possibility of working for the Foundation Researcher Notes: "Utilization might wanna work on picking up 912 as a guard. Its status as a mere pile of armor means we don't need to feed it or give it proper quarters while still reaping the benefits from it. Could be very useful for controlling D-class." -Junior Researcher Illager Approved by the Director of Research and Security and the Head of Research. For use in Site-05. Secure, Contain, And Protect.
  10. //-----------------------------------------------------------------// Form Title: [SCP-999] ~ Research (August 10, 2019) Rank: JR Clearance Level: 2 List of Personnel involved in testing: Jon Viper [D-Class], JR Illager [Proctor] Level D personnel involved: Jon Viper SCP: 999 Errors and/or safety hazards: Jon Viper forced SCP-999 to engage in oral copulation near the end of testing, which provoked a strong emotional reaction from JR Illager Question: What sweets does SCP-999 not like and how can we edit his diet Background Research: 999's diet consists entirely of sweets Hypothesis: Only flavorless candy would be disliked Observation/Visual Stimuli(Photos/videos): N/A Analysis and Conclusion: SCP-999 does not like "vegan" kitkats, despite its refusal to consume meat. As well, fruit rollups cause SCP-999 to turn rainbow, making them ill-advised as it is currently unknown if this provokes a further reaction Do your results align with your hypothesis?: "Couldn't say. Didn't like the 'vegan' kitkat, but that's the only candy it didn't just inhale. Remind me not to feed him fruit rollups until we know if they hurt him in any way or not." Researcher's note: "Why!? Why does every time I test with 999 a D-class forces him to suck him them off!?" Approved by the Director of Research and Security and the Head of Research. For use in Site-05. Secure, Contain, And Protect.
  11. Name: Illager (Pronounced Ill-ah-jer) Rank: Junior Researcher Clearance Level: 2 Date of Incident: August 10, 2019 Describe the incident: In a test to further optimize SCP-999's diet, JR Illager tested which sweets SCP-999 would reject. The D-class successfully gave SCP-999 two sweets before performing [REDACTED] on SCP-999 without consent. A nearby medic picked up the D-class's restraints and said "Okay, time for organ harvesting." [sic] List classes of SCP(s) involved: Safe Immediate complications due to the incident: We're down a D-class Long-term complications due to the incident (if applicable): Possible psychological damage to JR Illager and, more importantly, SCP-999 Type of response towards incident (MTF/NTF/Security/ETC): See Description of the incident Resolution towards incident: D-Class was most likely terminated or at the very least punished severely How dangerous was the entirety of the situation?: Not at all Extra Information: a psychological evaluation for SCP-999 and therapy for JR Illager may be needed Note from Illager: "I will never unsee what that D-class did to that poor innocent creature... sick [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]"
  12. A d-class was ordered to question SCP-343 about various scientific theories of his choosing. 343 was being uncharacteristically incompetent, and required an [REDACTED]'s assistance to convince it back into its chamber. Notably, 343 said that evolution and the theory that the universe is infinite are both false. It also said Einstein's theory of relativity is true. When inquired about what lies at the end of the universe, 343 responded with "the end of the universe [sic] is whatever I want." Paper written by JR Illager
  13. Jr Researcher Illager asked a d-class to pretend to act hostile to 999. 999 continued his cooing and attempted to play with both JR Illager and the D-class. Even after downright punching 999 (which was not requested of the d-class) SCP-999 did not change in behavior. The d-class was dismissed back to d-block as no obvious contaminants were found that could prove hazardous to the other d-class. In conclusion, it does not appear that SCP-999 takes physical or psychological damage, and if it does it simply disregards it.
  14. D-Class named codenamed Rook was used in an interview with 049. Rook asked 049 its origins, the scientific process behind it's "cure", and a variety of questions that will not be listed here as they did not garner useful information Rook asked about his origins, and 049 claimed that it was turned into a plague doctor by a king named Rick. Considering it's french origins, this is unlikely, as no medieval french monarchs by the name of Rick are known. When asked about the scientific process behind it's "cure", it claimed that it had no idea how it works, just that it did.