Infamous

This is really good, but the author side of me is bothered by some things. I'm gonna give you some advise, you can use or you could ignore it, I don't mind either way. For warning, I will be taking some parts from your doc to use as examples. 1. When a new person talks, you need to start a new paragraph. Example: ( "So, what branch of the government do you think we are training for?¨ asked a quiet, out of breath trainee. ¨Depends on what they think is fit I guess.¨ I replied. ) This section should be two paragraphs. When you have two people talking in one paragraph, it might confuse people reading it and make it seem like only one person is talking to himself/herself. 2. Common formatting. You put things into two paragraphs, that might only need one. Example: ( . . . Then the government came to me at work and said they had a special offer for me, that I was selected for an elite program or what not. Whatever it was, I took it. Now I'm here busting my ass off at training. . . ) This doesn't look like it's in two paragraphs here but it is. 3. This just kind of pops out for me but this: ( When we got there, the blindfolds were taken off. The room was blank, all that there was, was a white board with words scribbled down in the middle. It read ¨We die in the dark, so you can live in the light¨ Those words stuck with me. The door opened and a man in a dark grey suit walked in. His eyes were dark grey, white even. He looked maybe forty or fifty, his hair was pitch black and he looked like he had seen some shit. ) First off the thing on the white board doesn't need to be in it's own paragraph. It could be just be in Bold or Italic. It will still pop in the middle of a paragraph and still look nice. Second, this is my opinion, but when you start to describe the DHOS, it should start a new paragraph. 4. Common grammar. The only thing to help you with this is just to write more. I, myself is still working on grammar. Everyone has to start somewhere and all this info is only to help you make your story writing better. Story writing is a very difficult thing, I should know. AND if it's your first time sitting down and produce something like this, yes, you say it's bad. I even said that for my first short story. But in my opinion what you wrote isn't bad at all.

Accepted Please talk to Sparkle or Jack to get WL and trained!

Accepted Please talk to Sparkle or Jack to get WL and trained!

Accepted Please talk to Sparkle or Jack to get WL and trained! And goodbye my friend

A computer is turned on in the foundation.

This is great.

Name: Infamous Rank: AHOME Steam ID: STEAM_0:1:173374652 How would you rate your activity (1-10): 6 Notes: N/a

ACCEPTED!! Please talk to Me, Borealis or Doggo to get WL and trained!

ACCEPTED Please talk to Me, Borealis or Doggo to get WL and trained!

+support

-support on jackhammer. Me, Doggo, and Borealis already test it like 1-2 months ago and it needed a lot editing because it's super op as a weapon and enlisted might minge with it. -support on pressure washer. Karen, you said it was super op soo ^^^^^^ -support on those Tech skins, we have some that everyone like +support on everything else tho

Accepted! Please talk to Me, Doggo or Borealis for training!

Nice, Love the formatting, definitely getting capture for this lol.

Here is my side of the story. Me and 527 were in a RP Channel in Teamspeak [Security Room 1 (In-RP) to be exact]. We were roaming around LCZ and ran into the Apprentice that was building the "Siren Head" in that room. I got distracted by the build (tried to take a screenshot) and you and 2 other CI snuck up behind me. I did see the guy on the far right in the corner of my eye, but I can't tell the difference between CI and MTF and because it was Defcon 4, I thought that guy was a MTF. In Teamspeak, 527 told me, "Don't look behind you," jokingly and I turned around. I saw you and the other 2 CI and ran. I will admit, I did not look at text chat (I do not pay attention to chat a lot of the time.) . So two things. First, y'all should of got into my face instead of staying behind me. If you got in my face I would have instantly surrendered. I am not a person to try to run from a fearRP by a CI. Second, when I said "I didn't want to be capture again", Three to four hours before this incident, I got on to the server, switched to Department Head, left the spawn, and when I was closing the door to the spawn, CI roll up and capture me instantly. That's kind of false during active hours.

Name : Infamous Rank : AHOME SteamID (REQUIRED-Invalid if not given) : STEAM_0:1:173374652 Activity on a scale of 1-10 : 8 Anything which you'd like to note? : N/a