BEFORE YOU ASSUME I'M NOT LEAVING THE SERVER AT ALL!
So I feel like I just need to let go because honestly I feel like I've been in a slump. I honestly don't care how high rank I am in the server I just want to help out people who i'm close to understand that. For a person like me it isn't easy there a reason why I keep trying to do more but ultimately end sticking to one thing. That's it stresses me the F out especially with pressures like "Frosty go due ratio" and "You have zero credits" on my back. Yes I know I didn't personally due as much I could due but that's because I want to just be known as that one guy can help whenever needed and will l actually talk with u and will be honest and wont attack you if you disagree with my ideals but you just cant be that guy when no one even tries to talk to u or your stuck at the bottom and you physically cant do anything just because your rank and have to do all the small shit that you don't like you should be doing because that isn't why you personally joined staff. We all remember spike he was a great guy but he went down a risky road the truth is I knew he was gonna get kicked out soon and I was thinking of doing it personally just being honest BUT instead of kicking him out right then and there I pull him into a meeting with 4 other commanding officers and talked about the situation. I tried saving him, I did not attack him but I was to late he was pulled out of the channel mid conversation and was demoted. It was not my decision and or sciences because I was in a call with him, stormzz, and my BCO's having talk about the situation AND EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE ROOM OPENLY AGREED TO FIX SHIT. The thing is after that conversation even after telling them if they have an issue come to me no one absolutely no one contacts you but instead EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO PROMISED TO TALK TO YOU LEAVES THE SERVER FOR SOUL. This is honestly the point where my enthusiasm started to slowly die out not because I lost fate in the server but because it felt like I was just lied to and betrayed to be lets say 85% of my friends who played on the server. I just feel like I'm the only one who's serious when I say "I will dedicate my time to making sure your having a fun time in the server" like I LOVE getting to know players and I feel like when I have the 1 on 1 conversations with them and actually help them out in the long run I am happy all I want PERIOD. This is hard though just trying to be respected in a community especially the path i'm taking especially trying to be respected by both end of the spectrum instead of one side. Also the thing I love being general for this kind of stuff because I get to work with everyone and be all around and still be in a commanding position instead of being with one freaking group. Not a lot of people know this but I got Brigadier General in LESS THAN A MONTH but that was because I fully dedicated my time to helping my regiments and what not. I started in 41st till I was SSGT than made my way up to CPT before ultimately being accepted for the position by plague. I didn't even have to but I made the ARC SOP when I was rancor and this was the point when I knew I was gonna get somewhere because they appreciated my work in rancor and I proved myself to actually be willing to help out with more than just telling troopers to flank left. I'm also gonna be honest I'm really surprised I made how far as I made it because I feel like I have the WORLDS WORST BRAIN. I'm gonna be honest I have major mental issues for example some people know I have major stuttering and I miss pronounce words sometimes and I constantly have like anxiety attacks. I'm not going to explain further simply because I don't open enough to go that far yet . I will say this now I think I officially showed my self for the first time in the server where my issues kicked in and honestly it feels good letting it out because the one thing I will say sucks is JUST LIKE MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE SITUATIONS THAT HAPPEN THROUGH OUT MY TIME IN THE SERVER KEEPING THEM TO YOURSELF IS THE HARD PART!
I AM ENDING THIS HERE BUT IF IM CLOSE TO U AND IF U WANT FURTHER INFORMATION IM WILLING TO GIVE IT TO YOU. THANK YOU!